After reading all of Sarah Knight’s books within her No F*cks Given Guides series, I learned a couple things. One of my most favorite thing that I learned is the personal policy. See there are lots of things I enjoy doing. I love to go for walks, bicycle rides, hikes, and basically most adventures. I do not enjoy attending bridal showers for example. Nobody cares besides your mother and mother-in-law which type of fine china you selected. We all think you’re crazy for requesting 5 different vacuums you nutty bride. But maybe bridal showers are your thing. You love to play bridal shower bingo and ooooh and ahhh over the gifts. You do you!
Take a page out of the No F*cks Given Guides series, I present to you my personal policies on things that I always say NO to. Saying no does take a whole lot of guts. Personally, I was taught that you said yes to everything no matter what. Recently I have gotten better at saying NO. Mr. BMM knows all about my personal policies. I don’t share them with others rather I just know myself well enough to know that saying no always makes me feel better. Plus it eliminates the internal debate on should I go or not.
3 Things I Always Say No To
Bridal Showers: I politely decline the invite by simply saying, “I’d love to celebrate with you but unfortunately I already have commitments on the day of your bridal shower. According to *insert bridal registry store* the gift should arrive by Thursday at the address on file. Hope you have a lovely bridal shower. Take care!”
I refuse to go to bridal showers. They always seem to occur on that one and only sunny day of the month. Bridal showers are scheduled in the middle of the day and/or seem to take up my whole day. I have too many food allergies to enjoy the food so I have to bring a stupid salad (a former vegan here who hates salads). I really don’t enjoy playing bridal bingo or whatever the new trendy bridal shower game is at the moment. Plus I’m an introvert so attending an event that I don’t really want to be at sucks up most of my energy.
Baby Showers: Basically all for the same reason as the bridal shower. Let me add to the fact that inevitably someone asks if I have my own kids. When I say no, here’s the typical response I get.
Me: “No, we don’t have kids.”
Lady at the bridal shower: “Oh. Well keep trying. It will happen.”
Me: “We don’t want kids.”
Lady at the bridal shower: “Oh you need to have kids.” Or “You’re going to regret not having kids one day.”
Not everyone who is able to have children wants children. And not everyone that wants children are able to have children. May I suggest asking about vacation plans, good movies/books, or about a new restaurant to break the ice?
After Work Events/Meetings: I’m all for events and meetings during work time. Boss wants to go to a baseball game during work hours, sign me up. Boss wants to go after work, thanks but no thanks. Over the years I have worked very hard to balance work and life. Some days one takes up a bit more mental space than the other but I have a firm personal policy about declining after-work hour events or meetings. I politely decline by saying, “I’m not available that for *insert event or meeting day*. Please let me know if you need anything before or after.”
One time I declined a 6 HOUR training event. My coworker gasped at the thought that I declined the training event so that I could go to the gym. I think she was more upset that she couldn’t bring herself to decline the event more than me declining it at all. At the end of the day, my job was not affected, I didn’t receive a better/worse raise, and I didn’t mess up my habit of going to the gym.
I feel a whole lot freer with these three personal policies. I know that I always say no to bridal showers, baby showers, and after work events/meetings. The key to successfully implementing these personal policies is to be kind, use manners, and keep your response short, simple, and sweet. I don’t go into my personal reasons for declining these events. Mr. BMM knows about my personal policies and he’s the only one that needs to know.
Do you have a personal policy against something? Please share is below in the comments!