Giving Myself Permission

Warning: I’m ranting after a complete bullshit filled shit storm of a week. If this warning it self bothers you, please skip to a more light hearted article. My light hearted minimalism, book reviews, and financial articles are returning on Monday.

What Do I Miss Now After KonMari?

Recently work has become more and more difficult. I’m being blamed for how others respond to my requests for information. I asked one executive how much they expect to spend on a new business bid. They said nothing. I asked again and their response was “is it coming out your bank account.” Yeah I rolled my eyes too. Rather than a leader accept responsibility for their actions/reactions, I’m being told it’s my fault. My boss literally said it’s my fault. Honestly, I sat listening to this bullshit all the while I kept thinking of my emergency fund, my investment fund, my ROTH IRA, my 401(k), and my lower than average expenses. I seriously thought for about 5 minutes on just walking out and quitting on the spot.

I’m tired of the blame game.  If I screwed up, I apologize, I learn from my mistake, and try like hell not to make the same mistake again.  If others screw up, it’s my fault.  I can offer information but it always needs to be corroborated by a male within the business. Today I’m giving myself permission to honestly say “f*ck it.”  I’m living my life on my own terms, speaking the way that I speak, doing the things that I do, and looking at those that blame me and saying “f*ck it!”  I don’t own these incompetent people anything.  I don’t own them any f*cks from my Sarah Knight F*ck Budget.  I don’t have to cater to the gender stereotypes that I’m supposed to obey a man, act like a lady, and pretend to play secretary when that’s not my job.  I don’t need to feel my blood pressure increase.  I don’t have to have sleepless and stressful night’s sleep as I toss and turn trying to figure out what I did wrong.  I don’t have to wake up on the weekend feeling like I just ran a marathon on no sleep or food. P.S. I DIDN’T DO A SINGLE THING WRONG! I don’t need to feel worn out.  I don’t need to live with anxiety.  The next time I’m told it’s my fault, I’m going to say “now doesn’t that sound a bit sexist to blame me for the actions of men?” 

Today, I am giving myself permission to literally say “F*CK THIS SHIT!”  If I’m surrounded by incompetent men, will they even notice?  Probably not. 

This isn’t an attack on all men.  The men that I have worked with outside my local geographic region did not behave or hide behind this bullshit.  It’s mostly the men that I work with in a male dominated field of finance that seem to behave like I stole their candy when I ask or present an educated thought.  Mr. BMM is a huge supporter of women.  He understands that I am his equal yet that we each have different strengths.  I know there are more men like Mr. BMM out there.  I just seem to work with assholes. 

I woke up this morning to go for my usual weekend run and I collapsed on my bathroom floor. I got dizzy and sick to my stomach. I think it’s my body’s reaction and recovery from the my heart racing for most of this past week. Mr. BMM and I talked about all of this. We are exploring options to help us retire early. We are considering reorganizing our debt pay off plan to expedite the process.

I’m tired of the dread of walking into the office just knowing that I’m going to be a punching bag for one of the various assholes. I hate that I have debt. I hate that I HAVE to work. I’m so over this crap already. I just want to work in a place that values me, my opinion, and overall humanity. UNIVERSE I WANT A NEW JOB! PLEASE SEND HELP! I’m seriously in tears right now after being rejected for what seems like 100 jobs over the past couple of weeks.

round life buoy

In case you might know of someone looking for an internal auditor, financial planning and analysis, or financial person, I have a B.S. in Accounting, MBA, and Harvard Business Analytics certificate, and I’m available immediately! I love working with large sets of data, I’m not a fan of journal entries. I enjoy tedious and problem solving work but I don’t do debits/credits really well. I love learning about operations, helping to improve processes, and translating operational decisions into financial impact. I have worked in healthcare, transportation, insurance, and consulting. I love learning about new processes and businesses so I’m not afraid to take my nerd skills to a new industry. If you or know of someone looking for a nerd like me, please let me know. Even if you know of a remote job that’s available, please let me know! I love you all and appreciate your thoughts, kind words, and any bit of help you can lend.

Financial Independence (FI) Decisions: Cutting My 401(k)

Financial Independence: My Why

If Only I Didn’t Have Debt…

8 thoughts on “Giving Myself Permission

  1. That does sound sexist as f*ck. I’m so sorry you have to deal with those assholes. Men like that are THE WORST. “Sit there & take the blame for everything & look pretty & act submission while you do it all” – f it all indeed. I’m glad you have Mr. BMM to support you. I really hope you can get a new job soon! Yikes. Jesus f-ing christ. This sounds like the worst.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My sister works in finance & really likes her company & everyone she works with. I don’t know if they are hiring or how much they pay but it’s called Axon – you could check them out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I worked in corporate accounting for over 20 year. Loved my job and my work but was I constantly surrounded by egotistical douchebags. I spent many business days watching my investment accounts dreaming of the day I could bail on corporate life. Hope everything works out for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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